I grew up semi-Catholic and have been questioning my relationship with Christianity, Jesus, etc. ever since then
Dealing with experiences with involvement with evangelical Christianity and missionaries a few years back pushed me to the point where I felt I had to prove Christianity was wrong,
I used to read up on a site called Jews For Judaism to prove that the teachings were wrong, Jesus was not the messiah, etc. etc.
Over the past year or two I've been looking at esoteric representations of Jesus, Jesus in Espiritismo (from Puerto Rico and Cuba) and Spiritism (the codified doctrine of Allan Kardec), gnostic Jesus. Something has definitely clicked, I feel that Jesus represents something powerful, not the Jesus who holds the real and only keys to salvation, but still powerful, the Jesus that connects to each of us.
I respect Judaism as a religion which asks people to be just but I've felt that the emphasis on roles between Gentiles and Jews is distracting from the true face of God that connects to all of us.
I can read and enjoy Kabbalah seeing it as fulfilling yet ultimately something that needs to be seen less as a fulfilment of only practitioners of Judaism but as something which connects to each of us (esp. in Hermetic/Christian C(Q)abalah).
Understanding the Bible for me is about looking at esoteric and hidden meanings, it takes one step for 'good Christians' to look at how the Old Testament leads to Christ through allegories but another to see Christ within each of us that we are "sons(and daughters) of God".
The Jesus that came back from the cross was a spiritual body and not a physical one (as stated in docetism, and Kardec's Spiritism).
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